It happens again. The emotions are taking over you. As if a storm is raging in your heart! You are trying to repress them, to hold them, to dull them You don’t want to feel, you don’t want your heart and soul to be rend by memories, disappointments, fears and dissatisfaction. You feel weak and helpless, but you don’t want the world to see you falling apart. You are afraid to share with others, to tell them that inside you are broken and that is why you bear! You stay silent and you pile up the pain. But in moments like this, the suffering is way too much and you feel incapable of controlling it!
And there you go, you reach out for food again. You hope that the escape from yourself will save you; that it will bring you the peace you are desperately searching. An hour later you’ve eaten a massive amount of food, enough to keep you full the whole week.
You thought that you would feel better and it turned out exactly the opposite. Now, not only your soul is suffering, but your body as well..
Why did it happen again? Why couldn’t you cope with the burst of emotions and you tried to dull it with food?
Because when the soul is starving, the body is overeating! Have you ever asked yourself, why you keep on drowning your emotions with food, when every time you dig yourself deeper and deeper? Have you ever asked yourself what makes you do it?
Probably you will say that you are giving your best to find the reason and the solution. But in reality you never search at the right place! You fool yourself that if you were skinnier, more beautiful, smarter, taller or shorter, if you were more graceful or richer, everything would fall in place. You would have everything you need in order to feel happy and satisfied!
You search for happiness in the world around you, and it doesn’t exist there! We are the once who evaluate the situations and we are the ones who define what brings us happiness and what brings us just more pain.
You focus on goals, which are material… just some more material, which hides an invisible emptiness. Emptiness that is taking over you!
You fool yourself that your problems come from people around you- their bad behavior, their unfair actions, the betrayals towards you, their lies…
And in reality the only problem is YOU! And I know it! As you know, I used to turn to food for salvation- a short moment of brain fog, a short moment of an escape from my emotions and the person I was.( read more here)I used to set more and more goals- to look better, to study more, to succeed more… I thought that all of this would bring me the satisfaction and happiness I was so desperate to have and that I won’t need to go through these emotional outbursts anymore!
And then I found that I don’t need any of this! Just give it a thought! How often did you set a goal, that you thought would make you happy if you achieve it? And what happened later on? You achieved it and you probably didn’t even take a minute to enjoy the achievement and you kept on chasing the next goal. All of this just leaves you feeling unsatisfied… it makes you feel like you never have enough!
And in reality you lose yourself, chasing goals that you think define you. Goals, which you think would give more value to who you are!
And trust me you won’t get out of the enchanted circle of a constant chase and disappointment, until you start loving and accepting yourself just the way you are now, exactly in this moment!
And as Miguel Ruiz says, “Everyone has a price, and Life respects that price. But that price is not measured in dollars or in gold; it is measured in love. More than that, it is measured in self-love. How much you love yourself – that is your price – and Life respects the price. When you love yourself, your price is very high, which means your tolerance for self-abuse is very low. It’s very low because you respect yourself. You like yourself the way you are, and this makes your price higher. If you don’t like things about yourself, the price is a little lower.”
When you are constantly thinking that you are not good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough or that you don’t deserve good things happening to you… well, Life is gonna respect the price, that you put for yourself, and you are hardly ever gonna be happy!
It’s about time to realize that everything is temporary- the body, the mind, money… nothing stays the same and nothing will be tomorrow, what it is today!
But that doesn’t mean, that you should torture yourself and live in denial!
You are beautiful just the way you are right now! Do you want to change? Then do it for yourself! Because you will feel better if you eat healthier; because you will feel better if you start working out; because you will be more satisfied if you have a better job with bigger income! Whatever you want to achieve, just do it for yourself and not for other people’s approval or opinion!
And in the meantime, while you are moving ahead towards your next success, don’t forget to love yourself the way you are today! Don’t waste your life, waiting for tomorrow; waiting to lose weight; waiting to get rich! Because even if that happens, if you don’t love yourself, nothing you achieve is gonna bring you more happiness, but just more suffering and dissatisfaction!
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