A day when you feel a foreigner in your own life. You feel like somebody has taken your body, tied you on the bleachers of your own existence and is now forcing you to watch how he is outraging over everything you are.
The day is just starting and you’ve been awake for a long time. You are impatiently spurring it. A day, when you feel exhausted from the fight with your ego and you give up… fighting with t. You decide to depart somewhere- towards the places where the ego can’t live; the places where it loses its strength and its meaning.
You pack your suitcases and you leave all doubts, fears and disappointments. You undress them layer by layer and you are left naked- by your own self. You are tired from the lack of completeness. If something is missing, this means that it used to be a part of you… it means that it was there, but somebody has stolen it… or you scattered it.
You depart on a long journey- in order to gather your own pieces; in order to put yourself together. You travel with the hope that someday, you will once again return- complete; that you will be able to once again open the door of your apartment and this time you won’t feel as if you are in prison- instead you will feel home; that you will once again make your favorite coffee and you will take every sip with a satisfaction and you won’t feel a dependence on it; that you will be able to once again go to the front porch and feel peace and not a desperate try for salvation. A day when you hope… and you depart on a journey to gather the pieces of your own self.
Who is she? Does it matter! Everybody has felt this way and everybody has moments when he feels the unbearable weight of his own fears and doubts; the expectations which are suppressing you and the never- ending longing to be more. These are the moments when the salvation is there and it Is not in the escape from your own self, but just the opposite- it is in departing on a journey, where with every mile you get further from the illusions you’ve built in the city- those that limit you and suppress you. You depart on a journey, where you get to know the world, just the way it is and you see yourself- just like you are- free from your ego. At least that is what I do…
I love these stolen moments from life… or actually these moments of life, stolen from the existence. Surrounded by the greatness of the nature, realizing the deeper meaning behind every bird, every stone or every flower… because The Universe is a perfect mechanism and nothing exists by coincidence, nothing is superfluous and everything hides more behind the mask of its cover. I have the feeling that lost in our daily life, we accept the world around us as a décor… as something artificial.
Once we departure, though, the day starts waking up; the “décor” manages to get a deep breath, when we lose the leash, that is keeping our days in the routine… suddenly we feel the pulse of the world- in every blow of the wind , every song of the birds, every touch of the raging waves with the calm shore. Everything we let languish, suddenly is being filled with life and uncovers the meaning we are so hungry for.
The morning walks on the shore… the moment when the world becomes a place just for you and the peace you feel. Seems as if everything goes silent, so it can allow you to enjoy the feeling… that you are never alone. The whisper of the wind, the voice of the splashing waves- everything reminds you to trust the rhythm of life; it cues you that everything has a much deeper meaning than the visible and that you need to be patient, so it can reveal in front of your eyes.
I taka a handful of sand and I observe how the grits are leaking through my fingers… just a few mussels are left, which astonish with their perfect shapes. I ask myself…. Isn’t that life? We let our days leak like grits… precious moments, shattered in pieces from vanity, neglectful attitude… Just a couple handfuls of memories are left, which gather the moments of true life… a couple mussels, which we managed to seize and keep.
I promised myself that I will give my best to seize every moment and fill it with meaning; that I will challenge every day to reveal the answers, which my mind couldn’t find and which are keeping me awake every night. I was walking on the beach and I had the chance to live my life in the short moment of 50 meters sand and sea- which was unfolding in the never- ending horizon and the sun which was always shining above me.
The waves were gently touching my feet and just when I felt their touch and when I wanted to keep them, they backed off and left me longing… for their return and the feeling they carried with themselves. They reminded me about life… about the short moments when you feel like the doors to another world open and just when you feel like owning it, it slips away… and if you are wise enough, you will be patient for the next opportunity, once you realize that everything obeys the perfect rhythm of nature and that nothing disappears nor is being lost… one day, everything you manage to wait for, comes back to you!
And some more pictures from my vacation in Sinemorec last week.