She was trying to free herself from the chains of her own expectations, but she somehow managed to achieve it just when she was among the crowd. Seemed as if her personality and everything that she was trying to hide from herself, slowly dissolved in the crowd of people. As if everything was mixed with their emotions, actions and behavior. Just in the presence of other people, she could feel the emollient hug of her own escape. It was only the crowd, which managed to give her the feeling of security, that she was so desperate for, but yet she never managed to achieve it in the loneliness of her own presence. Just when she was among the crowd, she felt as if the person she was and what she hated about her own self, started shrinking, while reaching an insignificant size, compared to what everyone else used to be like.
An escape which she loved taking every time when she felt the anxiety and dissatisfaction, whispering in the silence of her own presence.
The best test about if you accept who you are is how you feel when you are alone. A lot of people run away from the date with their own self, with their own presence. That’s why a lot of people get into the wrong relationships, friendships and acquaintances, which only strengthen the dissatisfaction and make you feel even more alone.
A lot of people use other’s presence, so they can gather emotions, opinions and point of views, which will help them form an evaluation about their own personality. A lot of people use others as a mean to receive a better idea about their own self. We always strive to communicate with people who reaffirm the convictions we WOULD DESPERATLY LOVE TO have about our own self.
We avoid those who just reaffirm us what we already know about our own personality; exactly what we are trying to run away from and what we are trying to forget. We are indifferent to those who tell us what we know isn’t true- thus it wouldn’t provoke any emotion- neither positive, nor negative.
We use situations and people, so we can run away from our own emotions. When a person is left alone, the silence of his presence, reflects what is inside of him. When we accept our own self, when we approach who we are and who we are not with deep understanding, the silence which surrounds us is pleasant.
When we feel negative emotions towards our own self, when we are trying to run away from what we do not want to feel, the silence of our presence is disturbingly loud. It provokes discomfort and it pushes us to undertake an escape among the crowd- the place, where we try to deafen the inner scream, of what we’ve been suppressing, what we don’t want to be present.
Every emotion, which we try to suppress- the anxiety, dissatisfaction, nervousness- is actually not a problem. These emotions are not a problem we should run away from. Actually, it is exactly the opposite. Just like everything else in life, what seems negative at first sight is actually our best friend and companion.
I love saying that the world around us, dramatizes the inner world; it reinforces it, so it can drag our attention and direct it towards what is happening inside of us.
Negative situations, in life, are just the reinforced, material form of what is inside of us. Negative emotions are not a problem, just a message. They are something like the voice of something that we’ve sent to the furthest place in our soul- with the hope that we will never hear about its existence…again! We threw it there, with the hope that it will never find the way to the surface, where it will emerge, just so it can return in our life, with the memory of something that we desperately want to forget.
Everything which we ignore, everything we refuse to deal with; the problems we refuse to solve and the act of fooling ourselves that by ignoring them, they won’t bother us anymore, actually grows bigger. Such a behavior actually gives those “problems” time to become stronger, grow bigger and return in our life. By ignoring them, we risk that one day, they will return and find us unprepared. Thus, their strength will always break our weakness.
Every emotion, which you are trying to avoid, is actually the echo of what you’ve send in oblivion in the furthest corners of your soul. It is its suffering scream, pleading for attention and care. Every problem is actually not something scary. It is just an indication. Every problem just reveals the weakness you have- the one, which is interfering with your progress. The problem is the best kind of help and the best way that life is showing you that it actually cares. Problems are what shows you where you should improve, so you can open the doors and arrive in the future that you dream about.
Every time, when you feel a negative emotion, do not rush to send it off or mask it behind an action or the presence of somebody else. Instead, have the courage to dig deeper in yourself and find the problem. Then solve it. You have no idea how the burden will be removed from your shoulders, when you find the courage to do what you are scared of doing.
In the first case, you will need some courage to act and then you will receive satisfaction, which will inspire you and move you forward.
In the other case, you will live on the sideline of your own life and every day, your existence will become a bigger burden- weighted by fears, doubts and the refusal to act!
Life is a game! Just those who dare to play, are those who get on the next level!
I can’t wait to share with you a project I’ve been working on. It’s called IFS Journal- my FREE online magazine. Go ahead and subscribe for it HERE.
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