Today I am gonna write about something, that most of you will wonder, how it could possibly fit among the other posts on my blog…
But because I always write only about the things I feel like writing about, and today I somehow don’t feel writing about something else I will try to dress my thoughts into words…
Relationships… a topic that is the center of every person’s life.
Why do so many relationships fail and why does it seem as if the bonds between people are supported by a really fine cord, which is so worn out, that even the smallest misunderstanding… even the smallest drift into the opposite direction of one of people, has the power to tear down the cord and put an end to everything…
The answer hides behind the fact that for most people love is an answer to some kind of a want, a necessity. Most people make the mistake to search the love for the self, through the love for another person. We fool ourselves that tomorrow the prince on a white horse or the princess in the carriage will come and fill or the voids in our lives. And thus the princes come one after the other… the princesses as well… they go through our lives and as if they give it a deeper meaning, and after each one of them the voids become bigger and bigger… and the next one seems incapable to fill them.
People get in a relationship, hoping to find themselves and instead they lose themselves. They get lost in expectations, requirements and rules. They get lost in the illusion “of it is supposed to be this way”. They get lost in the trials to chain the person standing against them and keep him there… just in case, so they can feel secure that he/she won’t run away.
And the purpose of a relationship is to decide which part of yourself, you’d like to see in action… not which part of another person you could capture and hold for yourself.
Everybody is searching for their OTHER HALF and this is the problem. It is like trying to put a puzzle together, searching the last piece in another box… in a box where you will never find the missing piece. The purpose of relationships between people shouldn’t be to search for people who complement us, but for people with whom we feel free to share our completeness.
I once read that relationships with other people, are a sign for the stage of our development as a person, in that particular moment. Does that mean that by starting and finishing relationships with other people, we are going on a journey to search for ourselves? And that while we are searching for our other half, we are actually refusing the opportunity to feel whole and complete… that in reality we are giving up the opportunity to meet not the person who will complement us, but the one who will accept us… as a whole, complete person!
The purpose of a relationship is to give us opportunities, not obligations. The opportunity to be who we are… without pretending; without making the effort to fit in the expectations of somebody else.
Relationships are like people or to be more accurate like the age of people. Often times people rush into “tearing down” the cord between each other, because the initial euphoria is gone. They mistaken the depth of their relationship with the fading of the emotions. And is this actually the truth? Haven’t you thought, that the emotions at the beginning of a relationship are just the visible part on the surface… and that in order to get into a deeper, truer relationship, you should be brave enough, wise enough to rend from the skin- deep and go further…
Relationships as everything else in life have an “age” and stages. Just because after 5 years, your relationship won’t be build on the same values and understanding, that it is being build on today, doesn’t mean that your relationship ran out. Unfortunately few are people, who manage to become wiser, with the same pace that their relationship “grows”. Few are people who realize that relationships, just like people, change with years, but this doesn’t mean that it runs out or loses its value and meaning. Could you say that the old person does not have a value and that he has nothing to offer, just because his body is old and physically he is not capable of doing, what a young and energetic body could do? Would you make the assumption that just because the body is getting older, the soul is getting older and it’s losing its shining and value?
How absurd would be this assumption! The body is just on the surface… just the visible part… as the years pass, they make the body older, but with every year the wisdom and the experience that are being earned, are the once which give the real value of a person.
Isn’t it the same with relationships? The emotions at the beginning of a relationship, which fade away with years are just on the surface… and if you manage to grow together with your relationship, you will discover that years do not make it run out, they just make it stronger and more meaningful… just as long as you have the eyes to see it!
People rush into finishing with the relationship they have… something like getting rid of a useless item. But truth is that it is not the item that is being useless. You are the one who can’t find it application into your life. The value is in the eyes of the beholder… this item as never changed. It is just the same, as it was years ago, when you gave your all to possess it.
But today it seems useless. Not because it is such! But because you took it to be such!
Before you end a relationship with somebody, before you allow yourself to turn your back on to something that you build with years, think more. Think deeper if the problem isn’t in you. If the problem isn’t in the fact that with the continuity of your relationship, you refused to grow wiser with the same pace, and you are still staying on the first stage. Think deeper if you are not the kid, which happened to be on a gathering of adults and with disappointment you find the meeting to be boring… not because the meeting itself is boring, but just because the kid hasn’t grown wise enough to understand it!
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