We walk through our lives and we desperately search for each other. We steal from everybody, whatever we can in the desperate try to substitute, what we feel is missing.
The more we take from others, the bigger the emptiness that is left in our own Essence… because in reality, what we need is our own self.
And we go through life, as vagrants- vagrants, which wander on the face of Earth and never find what they seek… because we have no idea what we are searching for.
What moves most of us is not the chase of a true goal, but rather than that the unbearable feeling, that are hidden in the silence and tranquility of settling down in one place.
The unbearable feel of the emptiness, that you’d give your everything to just run away from it. So you just go. You just start moving in an unknown direction.
Unfortunately, you rarely realize that there isn’t an escape from it, because you are carrying it inside.
Yes, there are such days. The days that overtake you from nowhere. Until yesterday, you felt like a complete, satisfied person, and today you feel as if your soul is in the captivity of a foreign body, a foreign life. You feel as if you are imprisoned in a life, where you wouldn’t want to be present.
Is it really possible to lose yourself and why is it happening to you?
Life is a journey. We spend days, weeks, months, walking on the path of life, that brings us pleasure and satisfaction. And sometimes, for a short moment, we are misled and we make the wrong turn.
We lose our own self and we are once again in the starting position of wandering and looking for true meaning.
I have such days. Days when it feels like I’ve lost myself. They rarely happen, but when they settle in my life, they challenge me to my limits.
They take me out of my comfort zone and force me to stand face to face with my own self, to face my doubts, to face the minor problems, that I just ditched in the corner of my soul, during the past months and I pretended I didn’t notice them
But day after day, everything piled up and now, the time for “cleaning” has come.
Actually, I like these days. The days when I lose myself. The days, when it seems as if nothing is taking place; days, when at first sight all the meaning has miraculously evaporated.
These days remind me the moments, when you wake up in the morning and you decide that today, you will clean your house.
You decide that everything, that is considered important, can take a seat in the stands of life and have some patience. You decide that life outside of the four walls, will stop for a while, just to give you an opportunity to get rid of the useless items, that you have piled up.
These days, remind me about the moments, when you are trying to find something, that you can’t remember where you’ve previously hidden. That’s why you decide to rearrange everything.
You take everything out, place it in the middle of the room; grab a trash sack and start separating the important, from the useless.
You decide that some items have meaning and you choose to keep them, and the rest… you just wonder why in the first place you’ve kept them for so long. Then you grab the useless and send it right in the trash sack.
Thus, in the search of the lost item, you manage to find more items of higher value, you remind yourself how much you have; you realize what you do not need and you throw it away. And surely, as every lucky person on Earth, you also manage to find what you were looking for in the first place.
You spend the whole day rearranging- you keep the valuable and throw out the useless; you remind yourself what you have and you free yourself from what you do not need.
If our homes and our day needs such a cleaning and rearrangement, then why wouldn’t our souls need the same?
Why are we so scared of the days, when we lose our own self?
I am not afraid of these days. I welcome them, because only then, I can separate the useless things that I’ve piled up in my life.
Only on days like this, I manage to free myself, from the burden that is weighing on my shoulders, and that led me to this state of mind. Only then, I manage to reinvent myself- with the old and the new. Only then, I manage to remind myself what truly matters and realize how much I have.
The days, when you lose yourself are a gift.
Every one of us, needs those days. The days when nothing is happening. The days when you sit on the sidelines of your own life and you just observe.
With your thoughts, you track everything that is taking place and you are just taking a short break- a break from goals, a break from achieving, a break from chasing and longing. Just for a short moment you get to be nobody, but yourself- without labels, without profession, without ego.
You get to be a person, who allowed himself to take a break from the fast paced life, to just sit on the side of the path and decide what is really important and what should just go.
Then, when you get that straight, you can stand up, dust yourself off and keep moving forward- more motivated, more conscious and more like your true self.
Sometimes everything we need to do is just sit on the side and move away from what is happening. To turn from participants to observers- because when you participate, you are being robbed out of the opportunity to be objective. When you participate you are emotionally stuck in the center of your own world and you don’t seem to notice the exit and the solution. And they do exist!
But the thing is, that they can be seen, just when we move away. Just then, the center of our own life, becomes smaller and we can see how on the background of the space, everything that is happening in our lives is just a small fragment and that we have the strength and the ability to overcome everything.
I am not afraid of the days when I lose my own self. If we approach them with enough consciousness and presence, they can actually become a trampoline to a satisfactory and happy life.
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And one picture from yesterday 🙂
