There are days when you wake up. The day hasn’t started yet, and everything is upside down…already. Seems as if the morning is rushing you and you are missing to finish something, that is waiting for you to be done…. But you have no idea what it is. You just get to feel the urge and the lack of something or somebody…
You grab the keys and you get in the car. You go on a ride to search for what is missing. To arrange what is turning your day upside down.
It is Sunday and instead of the initially planned tranquility, you get more questions, more enigmas and more bothering thoughts, which stir your raging emotions and turn your life in chaos.
As if a day, like every other day, but nothing seems to be in place. And you don’t even know what is missing. You don’t even know what you are supposed to search for, so you can have the slight chance of finding it and placing it where it belongs, so your life can go back to the normal feeling of tidiness, comfort and peace.
A day when the whole world is bothering you, and in reality the only obstacle is you-yourself. The only reason that your life seems chaotic is that you are not here- in the present. You travel in the past and you stop on each corner. The reason everything is upside down, is that you are missing- in your own life.
Life is weird. One day you feel complete and just when you think you found the balance, something happens and it shatters you; something that challenges each one of your beliefs, convictions, each one of your footholds. Yesterday you found your true self and today you feel lost again.
As if the person you were yesterday, suddenly shrank to a tiny size and now you got lost in one of the many corners of life and no matter how much you seek, you don’t manage to find yourself. In such moments you ask yourself, what is it that makes us feel so small, that we even lose ourselves? Is it the inner indecision, born from past failures? The inability to believe, because we’ve been betrayed? The lack of courage to try, because we believe in the failure of fate to make it happen? The refusal to love, because we’ve been neglected?
What is it that makes our own life, shrink in front of our eyes and make it a useless mini-size item? Is it just a feeling or is it the real truth?
You know that I love spending my time, thinking about life. To observe it from strange aspects and make different conclusions for the reason-consequence connection between illogical situations.
I think that the main meaning in our life is to find our true self… to experience the feeling of completeness, which gives you the security that no matter what happens in the world around you, even if everything is falling apart, you have yourself. On the way to our personal growth, we go through a lot of days, when we feel this security and twice as many days when we desperately miss ourselves.
One day you feel complete, and on the next you feel as if you are scattered around…
You wonder why it happens like this and if you are really walking on the right path to your true self…
In such moments I tell myself that there isn’t anything scary in feeling like this and being in the center of such a situation. In order to get to where you are headed, you should first face every one of your dark sides- every fear, every denial, every insecurity, every pain.
Sometimes you have to let yourself travel in the past and meet all of them- the ghosts from the past- the shadows of your biggest fears, that are still living there; the once who are left in captivity of the past and the once who don’t want to forgive you… that now you are free and happy in the present.
There are days, when the past blinks in your mind, and you feel like something is strangling you. But in reality these are just the invisible arms of the ghosts, which are reaching out for you and trying to grab you and drag you back in their world. In such moments, you should be conscious enough, to realize that these are just the hurt monsters, a reflection of the person you used to be. The monsters, which are crying for attention, for savory, for help.
These are the moments, when you should be strong enough, to know that the past is just dust…scattered in eternity. And that sometimes, some dusty peace will get stuck in your eye and it will make you cry… in order to clear your sight and help you see the present…better!
I think that the only thing you should take from the past, are the lessons. This way you won’t forget where you are coming from.
You might allow yourself, to sneak peak in a moment of the past, which will give you the courage to know what it used to be and how far you’ve come, but you shouldn’t get stuck in there!
Past and future are both ends of the bridge, which is built from the present… the one we walk on. But walking on the bridge you don’t constantly turn back to look at the beginning, because you might stumble over and fall… you just know that it is there…behind you!
Walking on the bridge you don’t constantly stuck your eyes in the horizon in front of you… you just believe and you know that in order to walk on the bridge, the future is there and it is waiting for you to come.
The days, when you lose yourself and then find yourself, are the once which give more value to your personality. Because in order to move forward, stronger, you should first meet all of your weaknesses. You should take them out, look them from every ugly side they have and discover the best way to overcome them.
Yes… there are days when you wake up and you miss yourself. But these days are not scary. They are part of the growth and an opportunity to get done with one more of your dark sides, so you can move o and reach the completeness you are seeking for.
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