Let me ask you a question! Do you love yourself and do you accept the person you are( with your mistakes, hard moments you went through; the moments when you were disappointed with yourself and those that you were proud of your achievements)?
I have to confess you something! I didn’t always love myself! There was a moment in my life when it was even hard to stand myself. After the disappointments I had with basketball, I spent a couple years of self- pity and self- destruction. I was constantly thinking about the past. I didn’t wanna leave it and I used to never be in the present moment. In life’s stages like that , people tend to approach different “methods” to cope with pain and sadness- mine was emotional, binge eating. Yes, I said it! It is not just you! I’ve also done it, more than you could ever imagine.
The moments when pain is tearing your heart, and you seek for relief. The moments when guilt is making its way through your weak and tortured mind. The moments when an event turns your life upside down and then leaves an emptiness in your heart which you are so hardly trying to fill! With years I was trying to fill this emptiness with food. It is unnecessary to say that it wasn’t successful!
I know what it is like to go to the supermarket. Buy a big shopping bag, full of junk food, go home and never leave the house before you eat the last cookie, the last piece of cake or bite of brownie! I know what it feels like when you are with your mind again- how you hate yourself for what you’ve done, because you know that it isn’t helping you, but just digging you deeper.
I know what it’s like to be doing everything possible to deafen your inner voice, that is screaming you to eat in order to feel better. I know how frustrating it can be, when you give in and then you feel pitiful and weak in front of the commands of the devil hidden deep inside of you !
I know what it’s like to redirect every negative emotion towards yourself and punish yourself for the pain that others caused you; for the offences that were uttered; the blames that were made for you; for the disappointments that robbed you!
It took me years, a lot of lonely moments, a lot of anger, disappointment and pain, to cope with myself and my emotions… until I reached to the present moment, when I already love myself!
A couple days ago I lost a person I loved with my whole heart and it really left a whole in my heart. But this time I did not give in. This time I did not let the self-destructive attitude to take over, under the hits of my fate. I made my mind to be strong. I am happy that today I realize, that food won’t make me feel better, it won’t give me back what I’ve lost, neither will it give me the comfort I long for!
My advise for you is to do the same! People are strange creatures… led by a strange masochism. We destroy ourselves, searching for peace, comfort and love. We search for positive emotions that are supposed to fill our emptiness… but we search for them in items, food, alcohol,medications and so on, and it is so unreasonable. After all our emptiness is a consequence of the hunger of our soul! How is it possible to think that this hunger could be satisfied with something without soul, without life, without emotion… It is like eating paper and expecting to satisfy your physical hunger… it can’t happen! You will feel full for a moment and after that you will have to undertake the consequences of your unreasonable decisions!
Today when I hurt pretty bad, I don’t reach to open the fridge. Instead I take the phone and call people who love me… those that will tell me a kind word, give me a warm hug or a tender kiss or they will just cry with me!
Today when I am asking myself “why”, I am not hiding the answers and the frustration under massive quantities of eaten food… Today I open the books and search myself… today I am not trying to answer questions, that have to do something with other people’s acts and decisions. Instead I am trying to answer the questions, that will help me find my inner peace and happiness.
Today when I feel emptiness, I am not trying to fill it with possessions, useless items, without a drop of life in them… today I go in the park…among nature, where life is beautiful, in harmony and peace… the breath of wind, the song of birds and the beauty of nature give me strength to live and dream again!
Today, when I start feeling sorry about myself, I don’t let myself float, and as my grandma says “I grab myself for the hair and pull myself up”… I start doing things that bring me the satisfaction and pleasure, which I long for!
Today when the hits of fate, catch up with me, I do not direct negativity towards myself and I don’t try to punish myself for what happened. Today I am trying to search for the good and the beautiful, that gives me strength to live another day… to fight, so I can overcome it!
That is why today “I will grab myself for my pony tail and I will pull myself up” and my advise for you is to do the same! You have no idea how much stronger a person feels, when he decides to be happy, no matter the circumstances!
So what is your decision? Are you gonna grab yourself for the hair and pull yourself out of this… or are you gonna spend your life feeling sorry about yourself?
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