Disappointments again… the subsequent time when everything went wrong… the sun is shining and it’s hotter than ever, not a drop of rain… and she was drowning in her own emotions. Tears running down her cheeks, touching her lips and the sour taste of the disappointment, gave birth to anger. She couldn’t bear the way she felt, the place where she found herself and she decided it was time for change. The time to take her life under her control. The time to decide what she wants, how to achieve it and to do what’s necessary to be done…
How does it happen? Why some people change, and others somehow always stay in the same place, digging themselves deeper and never manage to climb back up?
The other day Dako( one of my clients) sent me the book “Motivational Interviewing Preparing People for Change”. I didn’t hesitate long, before I started “digging” the pages and I was captivated by the content.
There are four types of conflicts and ambivalence, that are described in the book. They pretty much outline the relationship between our personal conflicts and hesitations and the surrounding reality. I won’t bore you with the essence of each conflict, if you wanna know more, just read the book.
What provoked me to write about change and what initiates it is a paragraph from the book, where the author states, that change happens mostly “when a person connects it with something of intrinsic value, something important”. He denies the possibility of change occurring, born out of a spontaneous impulse of negative feelings, shame, discomfort and disappointment.
That made me think about moments in my life, when I changes something about myself, about my actions or my behavior. Every single time the reason, the driving motivation to change, came out of the desire to avoid negative feelings, to avoid negative effects out of destructive behavior. Sometimes change came because somebody insulted me in a way that was rude but somehow opened my eyes for reality.
I even remember a story about my sister who used to be really overweight. She weighted about 211 pounds. No positive words, no support had the power to motivate her to lose weight. One day we went shopping and we met some guys, that she happened to know from internet. They’ve never seen her in person before. I remember they made fun of her appearance and insulted her. That was the moment when she got motivated to change. The moment she decided she didn’t want to let people treat her like this. The moment when she decided she didn’t want to be humiliated like this ever again. She started working out and eating healthy. Today, a couple years later, my sister is a person to be admired and she looks more than beautiful!
That made me think that change happens in a different moment for different people. It depends on the personality of the person, on his values and the way he wants to be accepted in our community.
Change occurs when a person is ready, willing and able. When a person realizes he has the strength to change things he doesn’t like and live the life he has imagined. Change occurs when a situation in our life, no matter if it is a positive one, that touches the motivation deep in us, wakes it up and gives us strength to change what we don’t like… or when a negative situation, that slaps us on the face, turns our world upside down, providing us with the motivation to do everything, in order to never feel that tearing, devastating feeling again!
Do you want to find motivation to change your lifestyle, to eat healthy and workout? It is not that hard. Ask yourself if you want to go at the seaside again, go out in your swimsuit and see people pointing at you, making fun of how overweight you are. Ask yourself if you wanna feel that terrible sluggish feeling, you had at Christmas, because you overate again. Is that the memory you want to have from every holiday? A memory how you had stomach pain, you felt bloated and depressed? Ask yourself, if you wanna go from hospital to hospital, from doctor to doctor as a parent or a friend, who has diabetes, heart disease or another disease, born out of unhealthy eating patterns and low physical activity.
Ask yourself if you want to wake up, wondering how to face another day or you’d prefer to open your eyes every morning, eager to live another day and feel good in your skin, do things you love and make you happy.
Don’t spend your life in denial! Don’t deny the negative things in your life and the behavior that is robbing your life. Admit it in front of yourself. Answer the question how would you want your life to be and motivation will come…
Change is in your hands! Just ask for it!
What is hidden behind your motivation to change- something positive or a negative situation?
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