I know that for years, holidays cause more anxiety and nervousness, than anticipation and joy. I know that instead of focusing on the fact that you are surrounded by the people you love and the joy of the shared moments and fun, you are self-conscious about your flaws – the once that you create by yourself and the once that you make the center of your Universe.
Am I wrong? Didn’t you spend the whole week looking for a dress that has sleeves, because you can’t stand your arms and you find them flabby and fat?
Don’t you always choose black, even though your favorite color is red, because you are trying to hide, to look thinner, smaller and invisible? Do you remember the last time when you enthusiastically bought a dress and then you just put on a hanger in the wardrobe and dressed with pants and a loose shirt, trying to hide under them what you do not like about yourself?
Do you remember the last time, when you stayed at home, not because you didn’t want to celebrate with others, but because you felt so unconfident and with low self-esteem, that you were ashamed to go out. You thought that everybody will see what you are not, but you desperately wanted to be. Do you remember those moments and the feeling of being so alone, when you are surrounded by so many people? The feeling that everybody else is taking from life at their best, and you are missing so many moments of joy, because you are not enough.
I remember! Because I know that tomorrow, many of you, instead of confidently dressing in their favorite clothes and greeting the New Year, will spend countless hours dressing up and looking at yourself in the mirror with the hope that the skirt won’t show your thighs or the dress will hide your belly. I know that many of you will look at the mirror and instead of seeing your progress, you will see how long the road ahead is. I know that instead of walking confidently through the restaurant threshold, you will nervously step in, hesitating what other people think about you and how you look.
If you are still reading, this means that you found yourself in my words. If you are still reading, I want to tell you that this year needs to be different. Because before a person changes, she needs to accept herself. Because more often than not, our biggest insecurities are actually minor details, which other people either don’t notice or they do not give much significance to them.
I know how you feel, because I used to do exactly the same thing. I used to never dress up in skirts or dresses and I was always dressing in loose sweatpants and shirts. I used to always hide in the corner and often times I didn’t even make the effort to go out with others, because I didn’t feel in place. One day, I read something and I was thinking – ok, when am I gonna wear skirts and dresses. Am I really gonna get more confident when I am 50-60 years old and when I have spent my life hiding?
Nobody sees the insecurities we feel in ourselves. Nobody sees your arms the way you do. When you walk through the door, people do not see if your hips are 1-2 inches wider or if you have 15% or 22% body fat. Because people do not see you as arms, belly or thighs. They see you as a whole person and they accept you according to the way we make them feel in our presence.
The other thing you need to remind yourself is that every one of us is a star in the movie of his own life and everybody else is just a supporting cast. You are the star in the movie of your own life, I am the star in my life and so forth. Just as you think about yourself and what is wrong or right about you, other people do exactly the same – i.e. everybody is so busy thinking about himself and his own role that they do not spend much time thinking about yours.
Let this New Year be different. Wear your dresses without sleeves, your skirts and colorful clothes. Do not make them stay lonely in the wardrobe and if you do not like something about yourself – accept it. DO not deny it. Then, if you really do not like it, dedicate yourself to the ambition to change it. Because losing a couple pounds, shaping your arms or butt is something so achievable. But enjoying exactly this moment is a chance that if you miss – never comes back again.
Look in yourself what you can and what you want to change, but do not define yourself with it. Life is too beautiful, to live it in the frame of the limitations created by our insecurities. Life is too short to miss dressing up with your new dress, your colorful skirt and feeling beautiful. Because beauty is not a number or a size. Beauty is in the effort to be a better version of yourself – and this strive doesn’t have an end point, so it is an illusion to repeat that “when I lose weight, I will…”or “when I get toned, I will…”
Before you receive something, you need to feel worthy of it!