Sometimes you stand alone, in the middle of the room and it feels like nobody and nothing exists. It is just you and your shortages. Shortages you fall through and then get lost. You are desperately trying to fill them, grabbing from the material world and you rarely stop to realize that what has been taken away, comes from one place in your soul, and what has been given settles in a whole different place. You rarely stop to realize that what has been taken away, could not be substituted- the only thing you can do is to be humble enough, to acknowledge the existence of your “wounds” and then give them time- give them time, to heal and turn into scars. Scars, which don’t hurt anymore, but just carry the memory. They carry the memory, which is being regenerated into experience and wisdom, which give you strength and makes you become more of who you are.
You are standing alone, in the middle of the room and you feel like a whole Universe. You feel, as if, inside of you is hidden more than one person. It feels as if your essence is a stage, where thoughts and feelings are playing. A stage where they regenerate into actions and become your inevitable reality. It feels as if your essence is a stage, where each one of your Ego images, gets a role and fiercely hustles to become the star of the plot.
You stand alone and you feel as if, each one of this roles, allows you to get distant from your own self and observe your personality. It feels as if, you get the chance to look on your life, from the side of an eyewitness and realize how from a great person, you turn into nobody, the moment when you allow yourself to play the victim and forget about the greatness and the opportunities which reveal in front of you- the moment when you refuse to take control over your own life and instead you give in to your dependence.
You stand alone, in the middle of the room and you feel the pressure of your inner duality. As if you are two people- your true self ( the observer) and your critical self- the one that is being judgmental.
We often allow our critical self to take control over our life and send us on a journey through the dark corridors of our soul- the place where we sink through our shortages. At the end of this journey, we feel exhausted, desperate and unable to keep moving forward.
In moments like this, we forget that in each moment, we are the once choosing, which part of us we are gonna express- which role we are going to play. We forget that each event, no matter if it is tragic or not, is actually a plot- it is a reflection of the plot we’ve previously build in our imagination. We forget that we are the once who define our roles and that the moment the staging is over, the observer inside of us can back off, with the clear conscious that everything that is taking place is just a tale; just the shape we chose to give to everything happening around us.
We forget that we do not need to identify with the roles we play. We forget that no matter what happens today or tomorrow; no matter if what we’ve build in the material world will flourish or it will be destroyed, this is insignificant. The material world is just our place to express ourselves. It is the place where we can reveal our potential, where we can try and make mistakes, then gather experience. Nothing that we do, defines our personality. Everything we do is just an expression of our momentum state of being and the “play”” of the role we chose about this particular moment.
No matter what, each one of us, has the right to choose himself in every single moment. We shouldn’t judge our own self, through the lenses of the pat and the mistakes we made. What happens is just a reflection of our present state of being. The best thing is that in every moment, we can make the conscious effort to change this state of being. We can change the way we feel and the way we react. Once we do this, our life starts slowly changing- because events and state of being is both sides of the same thing. What separates the event form the state of being is just time. The way we feel, the way we accept our own self is what tomorrow is gonna reflect in our life, masked as coincidence, masked as an event.
Coincidence is actually a necessity, which found the right place to unfold and give us what we need.
Sometimes you stand alone and you feel how you fall through your shortages. You feel how you are slipping away from your own existence and you turn out to be encaged in a different body, in a different life- such that you can’t stand and such that you wish you could escape.
These are the moments, when you are pressed in the corner of your own existence. The moments, when you have the opportunity to get to depth of life; to press the meaning in the corner and take it to its simplest building blocks; to realize what really matters, what is significant and acknowledge what is just superficial and minor. These are the moments, when our gaze, peeks through the surface and spots the meaning. This is the opportunity to gather all the building blocks and build a whole new meaning; to fill in the shortages and finish the puzzle of our own essence.
Because the moment we get lost, is the moment we get to know our own self better and the moments that are followed by finding ourselves and becoming a little more complete.
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