My Personal Confession- The Journey to The Dark Corners of My Life

“…from centuries, people scribble on the screen of the world, believing, that this way they are gonna change the images of the movie, which they project themselves.”- Stephano D’Anna.

Lately, I receive a lot of messages, from people telling me how they’ve been reading my blog and how they sometimes get envious at me, about being so lucky. They envy me about the fact that I love what I do and that I am surrounded by wonderful people. The, they start excusing their own situation, blaming “the empty”, superficial people, who somehow are stuck in their community.

These messages always make me smile. You’d ask why! Because they have no idea. They have no idea for the long, thorny path… to your own self. They are still living in the delusion, that somebody else I stopping them from living the life they dream about. They are still feeling sorry for themselves, playing the role of a victim, in their own life, without realizing that in reality the criminal is them- their own actions, thoughts and intentions.

People refuse to realize, that the obstacles, which we encounter, are a manifest of our own limitations and grained minds.

The world surrounding us, people, problems, worldly situations and everything around us is just a shadow… a shadow of our own self. The shadow of what we are, actually projects in the real world. A lot of people run away from reality; they search for an escape from their own life; they move to live in another city, another country; they change their work; their mates; their friends… when in reality they are moving from one prison, to another. Because they carry the bars of the prison with themselves. Because running away from your own shadow is ridiculous. Because no matter where they go, and what they do, they carry their wrong convictions, twisted views and destroying weakness, with themselves.

You can run all you want, but everything, that you cannot stand right now, will keep chasing you! Until the moment, you get the courage to stop and look straight at your shadow. Until you take the journey to the darkest corners of your own essence and until you “light” them with your own presence and awareness!

The other day I remembered the parable about Narcissus and the lake. I remembered how Narcissus, saw his own reflection and he fell in love with it. He decided to follow it and he got inside the deep waters. Thus, he bring himself down. I love narcissus… and I doubt it that somebody knows the true reason behind it!?.

Well, they are not a personification of self-love, as most people fool themselves. The parable about Narcissus hides a deeper meaning. The lake is the world around us. And just like the waters of the lake, reflect the objects, which surround it, in the same manner the world around us, reflects, what we are.

When the circumstances seem unfair; when your own weakness and limitations are thickening the air, and not allowing you to take a breath and keep moving, remember that everything you see, feel or think is your own reflection.

When the image, reflected in the water, does not appeal you, instead of  jumping inside, in order to fight with it, turn your back on it and step aside. Then, take the time to look the reflection and notice which part of your own self is screaming for help and attention. Notice the part of yourself, which you threw in a corner, deep inside yourself… the part of you, which is desperately uttering a scream for help, but you are stubbornly refusing to cure it!

And you do not need to wish for somebody else’s life. Nobody is born lucky… luck is not a present! It should be deserved. And the only way to deserve it, is to take the time to discover yourself, day after day.

Because the package is delusive. Because, living the life of your dreams, doing what you love and being surrounded by people, you like, takes courage and boldness. The courage to stand against everybody… against your own self and your servile dependence and attraction to other people’s opinions. It takes a lot of hard effort, to run away from the herd and stay alone. To be rend by your own fears and doubts. To take them out and deal with each one of the…just by yourself. It takes a lot of courage and consistency, to resist to the initial wave of common denial and rejection. It takes a steady determination to stay true to yourself, your convictions and beliefs, which are completely opposite of what is considered common and “right”. You need to rip yourself apart from the common behavior, where the personality is being shaped according to the occasion.

To live the life you dream of, might look glittery and easy, but behind the scenes you need to make huge efforts on a daily basis. Efforts which have a high price- the price of ripping yourself away from the notion you have for yourself- for your inability to influence life and circumstances; to further yourself from your belittled image and to broaden your scope, just in order to see how the world is getting smaller and how much power you have over it!

To live the life, you dream of, is not a matter of luck, but just a matter of determination to give up on the conformism and simplicity of playing the role of the victim and to take the main role!

So, take the time to contemplate about the world around you… no matter if you like it or hate it. And I will keep on loving narcissus… so they can always remind me that the world around me is my own reflection and that if I do not like something, I should change myself, not everybody else!