A Day When You Wake Up and You Really Miss… Your Own Self!

Continue ReadingA Day When You Wake Up and You Really Miss… Your Own Self!

A picture by Konstantin Milchev:)
Снимка от архивите на Константин Милчев 🙂

There are days when you wake up. The day hasn’t started yet, and everything is upside down…already. Seems as if the morning is rushing you and you are missing to finish something, that is waiting for you to be done…. But you have no idea what it is. You just get to feel the urge and the lack of something or somebody…

You grab the keys and you get in the car. You go on a ride to search for what is missing. To arrange what is turning your day upside down.

It is Sunday and instead of the initially planned tranquility, you get more questions, more enigmas and more bothering thoughts, which stir your raging emotions and turn your life in chaos.

As if a day, like every other day, but nothing seems to be in place. And you don’t even know what is missing. You don’t even know what you are supposed to search for, so you can have the slight chance of finding it and placing it where it belongs, so your life can go back to the normal feeling of tidiness, comfort and  peace.

A day when the whole world is bothering you, and in reality the only obstacle is you-yourself. The only reason that your life seems chaotic is that you are not here- in the present. You travel in the past and you stop on each corner. The reason everything is upside down, is that you are missing- in your own life.

Life is weird. One day you feel complete and just when you think you found the balance, something happens and it shatters you; something that challenges each one of your beliefs, convictions, each one of your footholds. Yesterday you found your true self and today you feel lost again.

As if the person you were yesterday, suddenly shrank to a tiny size and now you got lost in one of the many corners of life and no matter how much you seek, you don’t manage to find yourself. In such moments you ask yourself, what is it that makes us feel so small, that we even lose ourselves? Is it the inner indecision, born from past failures? The inability to believe, because we’ve been betrayed? The lack of courage to try, because we believe in the failure of fate to make it happen? The refusal to love, because we’ve been neglected?

What is it that makes our own life, shrink in front of our eyes and make it a useless mini-size item? Is it just a feeling or is it the real truth?

You know that (more…)

Dissection of My Feelings

Continue ReadingDissection of My Feelings



„…because we are all a sum of- feelings, people, situations, hopes, fears, past, present and future. And we are like pieces of puzzle scattered around.”- Maria Vasileva

People… they are so strange! They go out on a date today, and all they talk about is yesterday. Or maybe tomorrow. I am sorry, but I find this boring. I do not want to go out neither with your past, nor with your future.

I have just today. Just the present moment!

That’s why I’d much appreciate your presence now. Right here!

I am tired of listening about the past.

Interestingly everybody loves the memory. In the desperate tries to bring it alive in the present… they miss the moment.

The present always makes the past seem more significant. It enriches it with the regret for what hasn’t been, and the nostalgia of what has been.

The importance of the past…. A result from the pink glasses of illusion.

I am tired of the ghosts from the past. I am weary of their obtrusive presence, and in reality painful absence.

I am here! Now!

Stop talking to me about Him..or Her!

It doesn’t matter what it used to be…

They are already gone…

And it will never be again!

Tell be about today! Tell me about yourself… but not about the essence of the past or the longing for the future.

Tell me what they made out of you…

Not exactly how they did it!

Leave the past… have (more…)

There Are Moments When Life Stays Silent… Insulted!

Continue ReadingThere Are Moments When Life Stays Silent… Insulted!

Ines-Subashka-lИнес Субашка
And one picture from yesterday :))

There are moments, when life is silent. It doesn’t utter a sound. Insulted by the neglecting behavior towards itself, by the never ending offensive words thrown at it.

Six milliard people… and all of them are always dissatisfied. Everybody always find a reason to reproach it, a reason to call its names. But see, life is so fragile. Like a crystal cup- which most of us kick, walking on the path.

We treat life as a useless item. Every day we throw at it- offensive words, untold thoughts and unexperienced feelings. We blame it for all of our disappointments and each adversity. And life endures it all… it manages it somehow and bears each hit.

It acts it strong and reality life is so fragile…like a crystal cup. Every light hit, is immediately being stamped on its surface. Each scratch is left to remind you for the moment of neglecting,  rude attitude and carelessness.

Life bears it all… for long enough. Like a true servant, it bears the constantly changing moods, the unclear feelings and perplexed thoughts of its master. It endures, but life doesn’t forget.

There comes a day when everything shatters in pieces… (more…)

Where Did My Curiosity Take Me?

Continue ReadingWhere Did My Curiosity Take Me?

Снимка: http://wallpafer.com
Image source: http://wallpafer.com

Sometimes I walk on the sidewalk and I get to a crossroad. Then I stop and wonder which direction should I take. Which path to walk on and what is waiting for me there. If I am gonna meet somebody who I look for or if I will be lucky enough to blow over with somebody I am running from.

To make one decision or another. It is always the same thing. What will be the sequence of situations that will follow one of the decisions, and what will be the sequence that will follow the other decision? Just questions, which make the choice even harder and which give more weight to your own hesitation and doubt.

I was driving on my favorite street in an early, Saturday morning. I was once again thinking how life is something like an coordinate system. All of the possible alternatives for our life are marked on it with small dots. Each choice varies from one extreme to another… from (more…)

The Most Devoted Servant- Your Life!

Continue ReadingThe Most Devoted Servant- Your Life!


Ines Subashka- Инес Субашка

Sometimes, I dream about out of the way, beautiful and silent place. A place that nobody besides me knows about. I dream, how I steal some time from the fast paced day, I grab myself, my notebook and my pen and I go there. Where it is just I and what I’ve experienced. Just I and my thoughts, which are constantly trying to come ahead of each other, desperately trying to be the first one to attract my attention.

Well, today I managed to steal such peace. I managed to come to a place, where there is nobody, but me.

I am alone and I am thinking…  about life of course!

I am thinking about all of its serpentine paths and the lack of a road map, to orientate you. A road map, which could allow you to trace your route in advance and then follow it. Just so you can be sure that you will end up, where you are going. If of course you have any idea where you are going.

Because isn’t this the problem? Not the fact (more…)

Who Is My Biggest Enemy and How I Dealed with It

Continue ReadingWho Is My Biggest Enemy and How I Dealed with It

Една от прекрасните снимки на Владислава Филипова :)
Vladislava Filipova Photography 🙂

(If you want to see more pictures by Vladislava, visit her page HERE)
Last week I read something, which once again made me think deeper. “Everything, even the simplest, as well as the most complicated, from one person to a whole civilization, every living organism, on the way of its evolution encounters its opposing force, equal of power and scope to that of its own object”- Stefan D’Anna.

Ok, I know it might sound a little complicated, but I really like it. It somehow made life seem even more clear. As if I saw my past, through the intense image of the present and I answered a lot of questions, which I thought did not have an answer…or actually I thought, that I won’t find the answer.

I thought how true this is. We never encounter an obstacle, which is bigger than our own strength. The problem comes, from the fact that most people rarely dare to discover their own potential and abilities. People put up with a mediocre existence, which is some kind of worn out and pattern like. The life of each child, goes by like a faded pattern of his parent’s life. They made us believe, that just because we have a particular origin, a particular appearance or a particular community, we should accept the fact, that the boundaries of our lives end there. Beyond that everything is unreachable. Beyond these boundaries, every achievement, each success is reserved for “the chosen”- those who were born with more luck.

Thus, we live day after day. We grow on years, but we become smaller as people. And the (more…)

My Personal Confession- The Journey to The Dark Corners of My Life

Continue ReadingMy Personal Confession- The Journey to The Dark Corners of My Life

Image source: 4photos.net
Image source: 4photos.net

“…from centuries, people scribble on the screen of the world, believing, that this way they are gonna change the images of the movie, which they project themselves.”- Stephano D’Anna.

Lately, I receive a lot of messages, from people telling me how they’ve been reading my blog and how they sometimes get envious at me, about being so lucky. They envy me about the fact that I love what I do and that I am surrounded by wonderful people. The, they start excusing their own situation, blaming “the empty”, superficial people, who somehow are stuck in their community.

These messages always make me smile. You’d ask why! Because they have no idea. They have no idea for the long, thorny path… to your own self. They are still living in the delusion, that somebody else I stopping them from living the life they dream about. They are still feeling sorry for themselves, playing the role of a victim, in their own life, without realizing that in reality the criminal is them- their own actions, thoughts and intentions.

People refuse to realize, that the obstacles, which we encounter, are a manifest of our own limitations and grained minds.

The world surrounding us, people, problems, worldly situations and everything around us is just a shadow… a shadow of our own self. The shadow of what we are, actually projects in the real world. A lot of people run away from reality; they search for an escape from their own life; they move to live in another city, another country; they change their work; their mates; their friends… when in reality they are moving from one prison, to another. Because they carry the bars of the prison with themselves. Because running away from your own shadow is ridiculous. Because no matter where they go, and what they do, they carry their wrong convictions, twisted views and destroying weakness, with themselves.

You can run all you want, but everything, (more…)

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