She was traveling through the days of her own life and she was carrying the burden of her thoughts- the once, which she really wanted to get rid of, but something wasn’t allowing her to do it. Thoughts, which as she realized, were just making her life worse and she knew that it was about time to stop running away from trouble and take care of everything that bothers her.
Instead, she was always sending these thoughts in the corner of her mind, where they were piling up, and she was trying to imprison them there and hide them behind the false conviction that she is done with them. This gave her the feeling of piece, just until the moment, when all of a sudden, when she least expected it and when she had absolutely no desire to deal with them, they made their way through the bars of the prison, where she hid them and they literally poured, capturing all the attention and making her feel too weak to bare them.
Wasn’t the life of most people like that? Just like when we are kids and we have no desire to take care of something, we just open the door of the wardrobe and we stuff everything inside. Then, with huge efforts we close the door, fooling ourselves, that we took care of everything. Thus we steal some peace and comfort, that when our parents come inside our room, they will be fooled that everything is tidy.
We put off taking care of the messiness and just when we are relaxed that everything is under control, we hear how the door of the wardrobe is creaking- some of the hidden items, wants to come out and state its existence.
Isn’t our life just like this? We always put off taking care of what went wrong- we ignore it, we send it in the corner of our mind and we fool our own self that everything is great; that we’ve hidden everything into the secure place- behind the walls of our own mind and that nobody could see it there.
Just a little later, everything that we suppressed, everything we threw away, comes back like a boomerang- with the power, equal to the one that we rushed to deny it and get rid of it.
Then we feel weaker and incapable of dealing with it.
Because life is not a child’s room and our mind is not a wardrobe, where you could stuff everything that you don’t want to deal with; everything that you consider bothersome.
Because in life you can’t just sweep everything in one corner and then hide it behind the door and give in to the comfort that you are done with the messiness.
In life, everything that you deny comes back and at the end it defines you.
Everything that you suppress stays where you are hiding it and gathers strength and power, so it can come back and cause more pain.
Everything that you deny or pile up, grows bigger and one day, the walls that are hiding it, crack, break down and cause even more dismay and trouble.
Everything that we deny to take care of, while it is still insignificant and powerless; while it is still corrigible, one day comes back to remind us about its existence. But this time, every denial, every desperate try to ignore it, gives it strength and the chance to get to know our weaknesses better and find its way to reach them, to touch them.
Everything that we ignore, finds its way to the most fragile part of our essence and when we least expect it, it stretches its cold, rude arms and causes pain, which stays there to remind of itself long after the wounds have turned into scars.
Because in life, you can’t hide anything. Everything that you are trying to get rid of, becomes even more obtrusive; it becomes part of your shadow, which is inevitably following you. When you run, it runs as well… it chases you; when you stop to take a break, it stops there with you and weighs on your soul, crushes it and forces it to give in.
Because your mind can’t hide anything. The mind stores everything and every thought, every action and feeling, feeds everything that is inside.
Because we give life to everything that we encounter and the earlier we take care for the messiness, the easier it is to get over it an keep moving forward- free.
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