The end of the year is coming and as a rule we turn back and make “ a balance”- of what has happened; of what we were expecting to happen, but never really found its moment to fare. The end of the year is something like a scream… a scream to all those moments, thoughts, feelings and words, that are stamped on our mind and receive eternity. They receive an opportunity to jump through the years and guarantee themselves life- forever- because they are so sacred for us, that we wouldn’t abandon them in the passing year and we wouldn’t turn our back to them.
Usually, this kind of “balance” is being made on the last day of the year…just before we greet the New Year. I make them all the time, or to be more precise when they decide that their time has come.
There is one more week to the end of the year, but my thoughts cannot be patient enough to wait for so long. Feels as if they overtake me and I have to give them life right now- by carrying them away on the white sheet and sharing them with people like you. People who would understand them. People, who would welcome my thoughts in their life and would treat them with attention, care and deep understanding,.
Every year we turn back and we look on what has happened and what we have learned from it. Years go by and sometimes “the balance” always stays the same. Does it happen like that because of our refusal to learn the lesson or because of the intransitive nature of some situations and their necessary presence in the life of each one of us?
I choose to believe that with every passing year I become more conscious and that this consciousness gives me the opportunity to see beyond the superficial- to notice the true beauty, to experience it and to feel its presence in my own life.
The year has passed and through the days of its life it took me a lot, while leaving twice as much.
The year took away the illusions, which didn’t allow me to fulfill my true potential; it took away the illusions, which didn’t allow me to enjoy what it is, without thinking about what I wish it was.
The year was a strict, but a fair teacher and taught me the valuable lesson of loss. It showed me that just when something falls apart to a thousand pieces, right in front of your eyes, you could learn how to hold a fragile porcelain… you shouldn’t hold it firm, nor treat it carelessly.
The year, as well as those before it, taught me that a person is not supposed to feel weak, so he could search for somebody who is supposed to help him be strong. The year offered me enough experiences, so it could reveal me my unlimited resources of strength and teach me how to rely on myself; how to give up the illusionary notion, that somebody is gonna come from somewhere and solve my problems; that somebody is running towards me in order to “bring” the solution.
The year reminded me, that I am not supposed to waste my strength, in order to fight with somebody else’s fears and insecurities, and that it is far better to redirect my strength towards respecting, appreciating and loving yourself.
The slow accumulation of time and the slow accumulation of meaning that accompanies it, showed me that it is up to me to change the direction “gate” of my days and then in turn the direction of my life. A lot of people fool themselves that they are too faultless, in order to search the cause in their own self and then make the effort that is required to leave the zone of mediocrity and the transition to the zone of your greatness.
I realize that the refusal to direct my days in the direction I want, is equal to giving in to life and cursing yourself to the devastating, mechanical repetition of situations, people, lessons… the mechanical repetition of situation, after which you are left robbed, lonely, and feeling less like yourself… you are distancing yourself away from what you could become, if you only realized that everything is in your own hands.
I learned that I shouldn’t get disappointed by people. To be disappointed, means that you have particular expectations; that you are trying to “stuff” a person’s individuality and uniqueness in the small box of your limited notions about how others are supposed to behave.
To expect from others, means to limit them; it means that you are trying to impose them control over their behavior, thoughts and emotions. I learned that I shouldn’t get disappointed, because others are free to act, just the way they think is appropriate; others act according to their own convictions- those that they have on this stage of their personal growth and if these convictions do not fit mine, I am nobody to judge them. I learned that I should only react to other people’s actions. I am supposed to react in a way that will help me keep my balance and peace, without allowing the lack of somebody or the presence of somebody to rob or “flood” my life.
I realized that people who are part of my life are just a reflection of the person I am right now. I understood that what I want to attract in my life, I should first find it in my own self.
I understood that whatever I feel is missing in my life ,is just a reflection of the barriers, which I’ve set inside myself and the way that unconsciously I am repelling it… because I am not ready to have it or because I am afraid that its presence will take away from me something else I have and something else I like.
I learned to see myself as a separate being of what I do, i.e. I finally managed to get rid of the habit to identify myself, my personality and my value as a person with what I do. I finally realized, that a person has his own essence, which is not under the control of the worldly situation. I realized that the worldly situation, are the way they are, just because they are supposed to enrich our true essence, and not in order to define or limit it.
I realized that we live, not in order to earn more material possessions, but in order to free ourselves from them… to be less dependent on them and to feel their need less and less.
I once again understood that what I need in order to be happy are the stolen moments from the day, when I go to the park for a walk with people I love; the moments I take to emerge in the pages of a book, that will reveal me more than I have known about myself; to have goals, which end result does not define me; goals which bring me a feeling of meaning, a feeling that every day I am moving towards something and on the way I leave the useless and take what makes me feel rich; goals that give me the opportunity to give a piece of consciousness to others, so they can piece together their own life.
I once again realized that we are one whole and we are all connected… that the life of everyone of us is a piece of this wholeness and that it is our duty to take care about our own piece- the one that will help in the building of the whole picture… picture, which is being drawn by everyone of us- with the choices me make, the thoughts, the feelings and the actions me make.
I understood that even when we fly through the days and through our own life, every now and then we should stop and slow the tempo, so we can look around and notice if we are not missing on something valuable, something true, while we trot on the path to eternity…
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