Sometimes I walk on the sidewalk and I get to a crossroad. Then I stop and wonder which direction should I take. Which path to walk on and what is waiting for me there. If I am gonna meet somebody who I look for or if I will be lucky enough to blow over with somebody I am running from.
To make one decision or another. It is always the same thing. What will be the sequence of situations that will follow one of the decisions, and what will be the sequence that will follow the other decision? Just questions, which make the choice even harder and which give more weight to your own hesitation and doubt.
I was driving on my favorite street in an early, Saturday morning. I was once again thinking how life is something like an coordinate system. All of the possible alternatives for our life are marked on it with small dots. Each choice varies from one extreme to another… from extremely positive, to extremely negative.
Our own choice determines which dots will be connected and where we are gonna end up at the end of our lives… if we are gonna be in plus infinity or minus infinity. If by deciding to go in one direction, we’ve missed to go through the dots, which were hiding exactly what we hoped to happen…
I was driving and I was thinking how curious I can be sometimes… if I could just take a look at the secret mechanism of The Universe and understand sooner why things happen as they do..And not because I don’t have the patience for the answers to reveal themselves.. but just because I really want to understand why sometimes my most illogical decisions and not argumented actions, lead me exactly where I want to be.
I was driving and I imagined the world and my participation in it- as different plots, which take place in parallel systems. And I have the main role in each one of them. Depending on what I think, what I say and what I do, I direct myself towards one of the possible alternatives… and all the rest don’t get the chance to happen.
I once read a book, where an angel was guiding a person through Heaven. He took him to a room, that seemed like a lumber room. He unlocked it and let the person enter inside and take a look around. Astonished he realized that this is the lumber room, which collected all the opportunities he didn’t take- those that he could accomplish, but he got scared and never made an action. A lumber room full of his dreams and goals… those that he didn’t have the courage to fulfill.
Walking on the path of life, we rarely realize what are the consequences of our indecision, fear and desire to run away from the resistance, that accompanies each great deed.
But imagine that your life ends…right NOW… and you are left in front of the lumber room, which stores everything you could have become. Feel the crushing splash of the wave of memories, which will pour on you, from each one of the opportunities you didn’t take.
Feel the sour taste of the disappointment, form the fact that you spent your life in the mud, fooling yourself that it is better and more secure to live this way. Experience the pain, which accompanies each one of the chances you missed- the chance for happiness, understanding and self- realization.
Experience the notion of how much you could have done, and how bit you dared to try.
It is hard to bear this burden, isn’t it? It is hard to face your own choices or the lack of choice and to keep living with the knowledge and the thought, that everything was in your own hands, but you let your life to be left numb by fear and doubt; that you let your life stop, while you were still alive.
Sometimes I drive or walk and I think… what is gonna wait for me in my lumber room with opportunities I didn’t take. What could have happened, if when I stopped on the crossroad I took a whole different direction and my life in synchrony with my decision, just transited in another parallel world, where different situations and different people were waiting for me. How much different I could be and would I feel more complete or maybe these decisions could just open more emptiness in my heart…
I don’t even know why I think about this. I am just curious and I feel like I want to know more about the secret mechanism of the way life functions.
And next time before you give up on an opportunity, because you are scared to try, think again if you’d like to find your lumber room of the opportunities you didn’t take, too packed.
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And a picture with my machines 🙂