Last week I went to the gym. I got through the door and everything was just the same. The same as yesterday, the same as the week before. Everything was at its place- as it always is. But the thing was that I was not the same. Probably I was too tired. Or maybe I have allowed my thoughts to conquer my mind. Anyway, it doesn’t matter what was the reason, but the truth was that I was not truly there. My body was present, but my soul was absent.
I headed to the bar. We’ve met before a thousand times. And I’ve won over it a thousand times. I’ve been there so many times and I have managed to concentrate, to challenge myself and prove myself that I can and that I am capable of much more, than I or somebody else think I could achieve.
But not on that day. Not at that moment. I have given up, even before I have tried.
Then, I once again remembered that workouts are my rehearsal for life. I gave it a deeper thought, how on that day everything felt so heavy. Even the easiest movements, felt like I couldn’t handle them. Weights, that wouldn’t be a problem for me, were way too heavy to even move them.
I left the gym disappointed. But not with the fact that I did not manage to achieve the goals, I have set for that particular workout, but with the fact, that for a short moment I voluntary gave up the power to control myself and everything that was happening. That for a short moment I allowed external circumstances, to dictate my inner state, the level of my self- confidence and faith in my abilities.
Then I once again remembered the fact how much life and workouts resemble each other.
I remembered how everything depends on us, and that we are the once who define how a situation is going to happen, depending on the evaluation and the “weight” we give to what is going on. Because everything around us is always the same. Truth is that we are the once who are changing and the once who see the world surrounding us in a different perspective.
A hundred kilograms are always a hundred kilograms and they always weigh that much. But every time I enter the gym, it is up to me how I am gonna approach the weights. And on that day I gave up, before I even tried.
On that day I let a momentum emotion, to shadow everything else I have achieved before that. I allowed myself to predetermine the end result, even before I checked the strength that was left.
Then I once again found the strength to take responsibility for my actions and my life. Then I once again convinced myself, that the most wonderful way to live your life is to live it in void. But a void, which is not born by the loss of something or somebody. Instead, a void, which is born by the art of living without evaluation. Without weighing the disappointments and the triumphs. Without naming the situations and without trying to predetermine the outcome, by burdening it with emotions from past experiences.
To just live! Something like an objective observation of life, in all of its shades.
To be just an eyewitness, which is exploring life, people and situations, by memorizing objectively everything in your mind and just enjoying every single minute of it. No matter if the moment is differing from yesterday’s success.
Because a hundred kilograms will always weight that much. But the emotions I feel, approaching the bar, have the power to turn the weight in my hands in a “feather” or in an unmovable weight.
Because, life just goes on. Every day is beautiful, but when I wake up in the morning I am the one who makes the decision. The decision if my time on the Earth is gonna give more meaning and satisfaction to my life or instead it is gonan turn in an unbearable burden, which will push me to the ground and sank me to the useless role of somebody who is trying to survive, but never somebody who is trying to live!