„ I want to start and finish relationships as I do with books. When I am done with one, I just reach for the next one. I got to know it, I liked it ( or not that much), I laughed, I cried sometimes, I learned something new and in one moment I want/ I don’t want it to end.” Maria Vasileva
I read this some time ago. I think it sounds beautiful. It made me think about a lot of things and I made the parallel not just with relationships, but with everything in life. Those who know me, are aware that I love reading. I have so many books. I always wonder, why I don’t pay for a card in the library, just rent the book, read it and then return it back.
Every time I ask myself this question, I find the same answer… because after each book I read, it somehow becomes part of me… I take a piece of the book and it gives me a piece of itself.
Then, I leave it on the shelf of my huge home library… sometimes I remember about the book, and sometimes months, years go by without even thinking about it.
Every book I read, gives me the freedom to use my imagination, to experience what happens inside, just the way I want it. Just the way I see the world! You immerse in the pages, where you find more, than what you think that you already know about yourself.
Every book is something, like a mini world. Like a mini fragment from true life, where you manage to experience situations, you’ve already experienced in real life, but this time you get the chance to see them through another perspective. To see them just the way they were in reality, and not the way you build them with the help of illusion.
You manage to experience things, that haven’t yet happened to you, but as if you are just getting ready for them… just like this! So when you meet them in reality, you can be sure that you will recognize them. Just in case, so you don’t miss them!
It is always hard to finish a book you enjoy reading… you wish that it has more pages. So the journey could never end. As if the next book, the one you buy after this will never be as good as this one. And here it goes! You read the last page and hesitantly close the book. Sometimes you rush immediately to buy another one. And sometimes you postpone it, because you are afraid that the next book will never be so unique and you will be left disappointed…
Isn’t it the same with life? Sometimes it seems unbearable to end with a stage of your life, to leave some people in the past. You feel sorry, because you are thinking that you will never find yourself, in a place where you will feel so complete again… that you will never meet somebody who will make you feel so confident, secure and in peace.
You spend days, months, years, just staring back on the past… You flip through the same pages and you are searching for something that is actually not there. And you never give a second to think, that the missing piece of the puzzle, is probably not on those pages! The missing piece of your life, is probably not in the situations and people from the past!
Probably everything you’ve read is something like a road sign, which is supposed to take you to the books, which will give you what you are searching for, what you actually need.
Probably everything you’ve experienced, all people you left behind are just a preparation for what you want to have, for the place you are supposed to arrive.
Personally, I want to end with the past, just the way I end a book. To “highlight” the most important lines and then close the book. To go to the park and remember about the moments, the phrases which grabbed my attention and analyze them. To search for the lesson in them. To use them in the future, so I am not forced to read them over again.
… to leave them on the shelf and forget about them. The only thing that is left, to be the “highlighted”. To be not the exact quotes, but the lesson behind it!
And then, after some time, when I am cleaning the dust, to flip through the pages of the book and remember about what I’ve learned… and then carefully put it back on the shelf.
To “carry” the moral of what I’ve read, but to refuse dragging around the book with me!
Every time I remember about the “old” book, it is already different. Because I am not the same. Because what I am, the way I think and the path I am walking on are changing. And with all of this, changes the understanding. With all of this the meaning is changing….
It is the same with the past. What seemed significant a couple years ago, today brings a smile on my face and the memory of it does not bring the same importance.
The past is just past. You don’t need to dig deeper into it. Just take the “highlighted” and then leave it on the shelf of your home library. And sometimes, just go back to it… not in order to suffer for the past, but in order to remember what you’ve learned from it. Otherwise how are you gonna fill the empty spaces on the shelf? There isn’t anything more tragic, than at the end of your life to look at the “library” and realize that by clenching in one book, you’ve missed the opportunity to “experience” thousands more pages… that you’ve missed filling all the empty spaces…
There isn’t anything more tragic, than to be at the end of your life and realize that you didn’t manage to truly live, because you clenched in a moment from the past and you allowed it to rob you from the beauty of the present!
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