Psychology sience teaches us that there are four ways in which people perceive themselves- first, the way they see themselves; second the way they want to be; third-the way other see them and forth, the way they want others to see them. That’s way too much,ain’t it? Or maybe you do not care that much, and you do not see yourself through all four images? Lucky you! I know about people that are literally dying to satisfy all these expectations and come as close as possible to the perfect image in their own opinion and in other’s people opinion, sometimes even go further and self-destroy themselves!
But as you might guess that can be pretty hard. There are close to 7 billion people in the world. All of them have their own view of the perfect image and it is rediculous to think that you could sclupt yourself according to everybody’s expectations. Or so I thought… but people I mentioned, bet on their lives that you could. And who are they? Just ordinary people like us, the difference is just in the way they see themselves. They are so lost in the higly demanding world, in all the information and expectations that are poured on us daily, that they pretty much twist their image, what they truely are, and consider themselves never good enough or beautiful enough. And let’s take the pressure off and finally reveal who they are!…Some call them anorexic, others say they are bulimic…but what they truely are, is beautiful women and sometimes boys that lost control over their lives, over what they truely loved and wanted to be, and started slaving some fashion trends, started living according to other people expectations, left behind their passion and tried to follow somebody’s else passion…and all these things just to satisfy the image that others expected, to finally reach the point where everything just broke down, and they neither satisfied others nor themselves…to finally step on the road to self-destruction.
And let me tell you that road is long, full of traps, torturing and discouraging! The road is so exhausting-it drains all your strength, leaving you there surrounded by people wanting to help you get back up, but in the same time making you feel the heartbreaking solitude, being chained in your own thoughts…being the prisoner of your own thoughts and twisted mind. Eating disorders are diseases of silence. You are silently screaming for something-help, attention, love, escape, understanding . You are always looking to fill different voids, but you never truly ask for what you need. Instead you bury your desires under layers of insecurity, fear and self-hate.And how do I know it? I’ve seen it a couple times. And the sight is hearbreaking- to see the one you love, waste the beautiful personality they have, in the mere goal of perfection. Some of the cases I witnessed had a fatal ending…but luckily others had a happy ending. The eating disorder becomes their sole companion. It is the thing that makes them strong, so they don’t need anything, don’t want anything and don’t feel anything!. It is their cape of invisibility. Feeling like they have control over life but actually never getting the control they long for so bad. It is a struggle with the “ghost” that has haunted your insecure soul. It is a fight so tough. It takes long to find the courage, to stand up, rip that ghost out of yourself and look it in the eyes. To find the will to light the desire in your heart, to live again, to feel again, and to be yourself again! It takes a long time to take control of your thoughts again, and make your thoughts be your slaves…not you the slave of your thoughts!
The disorder makes you feel weak and drained. You come to the point where your life becomes bigger than you could handle…where human doing, is not human being! You open the closet, take the dress that would suit more a 5 year girl, not a 20 year old women…but your hands are so limp…you drop the dress and as it falls on the ground you hear the faint rattle of bones as the skeleton you’ve zipped on the hanger is suddenly realeased.That right there is the moment when you decide if you are gonna pick yourself up and fill your “empty” body with some live…or you are gonna give in to the image that the mirror in your head reflects…and that is when there is no turning back!
Don’t waste who you are for the mere goal of perfection. Life won’t change as you loose weight! It won’t get easier! People won’t become better! You will always have to live with yourself, and it is to your best interest to see that you have good company– a clean, honest, smart, beautiful, generous, magnanimous companion! Break the mirror in your head, and see yourself as you truly are! “The words “ I am” are potent words…be carefully what you hitch them to. The thing you are claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you!”. Make sure that what you claim yourself to be, won’t come back and destroy you!